Lately I feel as though I’m working harder than ever, but not really getting anywhere. I’m spinning my wheels rather than moving forward.
Life has become a bit uninspiring and I’m lacking motivation.
I wonder if I’ll ever achieve my goals.
It doesn’t help that what I need in the long term is in direct conflict with what I need right now.
I want to be a writer. If I’m ever going to successfully complete a book and see it published, I need to put in a lot of work. It might take years, decades even.
In the meantime, I have a regular day job in an office in order to support myself. But it can be exhausting working at the computer all day and then coming home to write and blog in the evenings. It’s easy to burn out and lose that creative spark.
If I could, I would spend much of the day thinking about my novel and dreaming up new stories, but I have to suppress that urge to write if I’m going to do my job effectively.
It’s a struggle every day to push down that essential part of myself that wants to create and dream. I expend so much energy ignoring it, that it can be hard to awaken the desire to write when I need it.
I’m always in conflict with myself; my mind is always so full of ideas and dreams and things that need to be done that I don’t know which way to turn first.
It’s often said that if you want to be a writer, you should write every day.
But sometimes you just need to take a break.
Gemma says
Oh how I can relate!!
Not so much that I wish to become a writer (I love writing but struggle to come up with the story), but that I wish to live a creative life, and perhaps maybe one day take that step to launching a handmade treasures small business (that I am beavering away at preparing), but one must pay the bills…
I had a creative job which kept a spark of inspiration in my day to day life, fuelling my hunger for my own project, but since moving countries and basically starting from scratch, I have landed in the least thought provoking and most brain numbing job.
While we try to focus on the plus side; money is money, it is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, in my case, it gets me out the house (away from the mother in law!), and allows me to learn the language and integrate; that hope and longing never fades. Sometimes we can get a little bitter about the whole situation, but I really think that if we just keep chipping away at it, don’t force your writing but keep yourself open to it, we’ll get there. Do. Not. Give. Up.
Maybe in your free time you could take a little trip somewhere for inspiration? The book shop, a museum, the historical home of a favourite author. Don’t force yourself to write when you just don’t have the energy, but seek out a little literary boost!
Good luck and hang in there, and know that you are so not alone in having that regular muggle job whilst aspiring to something better suited to you, just keep on going! : )
Gemma
http://www.fadedwindmills.com
Amy Lord says
Thanks for the lovely comment, Gemma! It’s nice to know someone else can relate! It’s tough sometimes having a regular job when all you want to do is be creative, but of course it does pay the bills. Day jobs always seem to go in cycles: good for a while, and then restrictive at other times. You have me intrigued with your story though, it sounds like you lead a pretty interesting life – wishing you success with the handmade treasures 🙂
Georgia says
I feel like I wrote this post! I’m currently writting my 2nd novel and after starting my blog as a hobby, here I am a year later. Before I started both it was all about finding a career but now every spare moment is me thinking about my plot or what to write about. I feel as though they’re 2 extra jobs I have! now I’m feeling like Im not in a rush to find a ‘career’ because I’m too busy with writing and blogging – they’re what I want to focus on. At the same time they won’t pay the bills! Such an inner conflict, I’m glad someone else is feeling like this too. (And a fellow Teesside blogger!)
Amy Lord says
Thanks for the comment, Georgia, and good luck with the writing – I know exactly how you feel about having two jobs sometimes!