Sometimes being an adult is a bit rubbish.
Don’t get me wrong, life is pretty good.
In the last few months I’ve started a new job, won a blogging award and been offered a publishing contract for my novel. I’ve been on some fun trips and enjoyed loads of live music. When I step back and take a look at my life, I have a lot to be grateful for.
But in the moment, I’m just tired and that means I easily feel overwhelmed.
I’m going through one of those spells at the moment where my to do list feels endless and I’m bouncing from one commitment to another with barely a moment to stop and breathe.
I can find myself in the office until after 6pm and then it’s a 45 minute drive home. The dark nights only make the days feel longer. Each night I’m trying to squash in some combination of blogging, writing, working out, housework and social life.
I’ve barely read a book in two months and I have time to help my husband walk the dog maybe once or twice a week, if I skip something else.
And that’s what life feels like right now: deciding which thing I can drop so I have a chance to get some of the other stuff done.
I have no idea how people manage to do all this and have a kid or two as well.
In reality, I’m no busier than anyone else. But my biggest problem is I don’t sleep very well. During the week, I get by on five to six hours a night, so I’m often dragging myself through the day and longing for a nap.
I’ve always struggled with sleep.
Even as a child, I vividly remember lying awake for at least an hour every night making up stories in my head.
As an adult, I realise that I’ve always had a hard time shutting my brain off.
And ultimately, I’m a night owl. I naturally fall asleep late and wake up later, but when there’s a job to go to, that isn’t really possible.
So I get by.
It’s hard sometimes and the tiredness makes me wonder why I bother.
But it think it’s something we all suffer from, that feeling that life is moving at a hectic pace and there’s no way we can keep up. There’s no end to it in sight.
And I don’t really have an answer.
I’ve always tried to muddle through; because there isn’t one thing I could abandon and magically have enough time. Well, except maybe work, but that’s not really practical, is it?
So I occasionally remind myself that it’s okay to stop and take a proper break. I can’t work and write and create if I’m running on empty – at least not in a meaningful way.
But for now, I’ll keep dreaming about Saturday morning lie ins and duvet days, while I think about having an early night.