It’s been just over a month since my book was published and I’ve been feeling lots of different emotions.
There have been fantastic highs: reading positive reviews, seeing comments from readers who really got what I was trying to do, not to mention all the lovely messages on social media. I’ve done events at local libraries and book shops, read along with the book on The Pigeonhole and spent far too many hours refreshing Goodreads and Amazon.
But it’s been tough too.
I’ve been working constantly since about November last year and I’ve poured so much time and energy into editing and promoting this book. There have been a few occasions where exhaustion has hit me hard. I’ve been pushing through for months and I’m ready to take a break.
And that tiredness has meant that I’ve been susceptible to negative emotions. While I’ve managed not to get too caught up in whether the reviews are good or bad, there have been times where I’ve doubted myself and whether the book was good enough.
The reality of publication hit me and I wondered if it was worth so much work. I knew going in that my book would never been a bestseller, but you don’t really *know* it until you’re on the other side, staring at your Amazon rankings and worrying about sales.
I haven’t really allowed myself to step back yet, but I know that’s what is needed. While I plan to keep promoting The Disappeared, the intense work of launching it is done and there might be more time to rest and put my brain back together so it’s ready to start writing again.
Of course, I don’t want you to think I regret publishing the book or that I’m complaining.
But publishing a book does make you emotionally vulnerable. Once it’s out in the world, anyone might read it and they might not understand it, or like it. People read things into the book that you never meant them to. It’s like scraping off a layer of skin that never quite grows back.
And you need to remain upbeat to do events, where you have to chat to readers and feel positive enough about your work that you can share it with them. That takes lots of energy and it’s tough for my hermit brain, especially alongside a full-time job.
But I have some holiday time coming up and I’m looking forward to getting outside, to reading, to sleeping, and generally living life away from the book bubble for a few days.
Maybe after that, I’ll even be able to squeeze in some writing!
You can find out more about The Disappeared on Amazon and Waterstones.
Ian mutugu says
is your book in kenya? I would love to read it.i found out about your blog three days ago by the way…while i was on google trying to find out why my mind is so dreamy and overactive and tenpenydreams came up.you are good keep it up Amy .