Normally at the end of each year, I write a blog post looking back at the highlights of the last twelve months and the things I’m proud to have achieved.
But 2021 wasn’t a normal year. Of course, 2020 wasn’t either, but for me personally, 2021 was much tougher.
The first thing to note is, without ever meaning to disappear, I’ve been absent from this space for a whole year. I can’t tell you how many times I looked at this blog and thought, oh I haven’t written anything for three months, four months, five months, I should really get round to it…
It’s a bit like staring at the clock when you can’t sleep, counting the hours until you have to get up for work, heavy eyed and exhausted.
So, what happened in 2021?
In truth, not a lot. I worked long hours. Too much if I’m honest. Balancing a newly built portfolio career of multiple freelance roles alongside a part-time job was all consuming. I’ve made some changes to my schedule, but still haven’t found the right balance with writing and my own creative projects yet.
After managing 100 submissions in 2020, in 2021 I managed far less. One reason for this is I was focused on finishing my second novel, rather than writing new short stories and flash fiction or pitching for creative work.
And I managed it. My second book is done. Over the last couple of months, I’ve begun querying literary agents, but I’m not feeling especially hopeful about finding one to take the book on. I’ve got some other options, so we’ll see where it goes, but this book is one I’m proud of and one that is personal to me, so I desperately hope it finds a good home.
Another reason for my silence in 2021 is I lost confidence in my voice. Nothing much was happening in public with my writing and I don’t have a particularly big profile, so I came to feel invisible. With everything happening in the world, it felt ridiculous to keep on churning out posts about my own life and thoughts: who really cares?
But it doesn’t have to be about the reader, writing is something that has always made me feel whole.
After setting my word for 2021 as ‘happiness’, ironically it turned out to be a year of exhaustion and poor mental health. I’m still working through that, but I’m hoping to be kinder to myself in 2022 and somehow make more time to prioritise writing while still making a living.
So, I’m here again, for anyone who might be reading. Who knows if this will be a one-off post or the start of more regular content – I’d like to think the latter. When the blog came up for renewal in September, after leaving it untouched for so long, I did consider letting the domain lapse and assigning it to the depths of internet history. But something kept me here. After almost a decade, I didn’t want to dispose of all the words and memories on these pages.
Hopefully I’ll manage to add a few more to them over the next year.