It’s been three years since my debut novel, The Disappeared, was published.
Three years of being a published author: attending readings and events in libraries and bookshops, reading (and sometimes avoiding) reviews, and working hard to promote the book and find readers.
The time has gone by so fast, but then the last two years have been strange, with time passing in unusual ways due to the pandemic. In one way, so much has happened: the news cycle is faster and more overwhelming than ever. Yet I’ve spent most of the last two years on my sofa, or wandering with the dog in nearby fields, my world slowly contracting.
I’d like to say it’s been three years of exciting writerly opportunities, but the truth is, life as a writer feels further away than ever. While I spent the first year after the book came out working hard to promote it, before turning my attention to new projects, over the last year or so, I’ve been quietly chipping away on my own.
Since The Disappeared came out, I’ve written two more books, a novel about family secrets and the longing for a different life set in North East England, and a novella about climate change and crumbling relationships. Right now, I’m not sure either will see the light of day.
I’ve been trying to get an agent for my new novel, but despite some really great feedback, I’m not getting anywhere. Most of the people I’ve queried haven’t even responded. While I’ve found that hard to deal with – worse than outright rejections – it seems to be more and more common in the publishing industry.
And it’s making it hard to stay motivated. The last few years have been a lot of work, a lot of stress and a lot of rejection. There have been some small successes along the way, but truthfully, I’m not where I’d like to be in my career. When it comes to writing, a light has gone out. I don’t feel hopeful for the future.
But I’m trying to find my way back to it. The last few years have taken a lot out of me and I’m trying to feed my creativity again, to feel that inspiration. Writing alongside regular work isn’t easy and I’ve never been good at finding a balance.
Although I’m finding it hard now, I will keep working on my novel and trying to find a home for it. The idea of starting over on something else doesn’t feel right, not yet.
Still, there was a time when I thought The Disappeared would remain unpublished. But I’m fortunate that it became a real book and found readers.
It’s easy to think that once you’ve published a book, the path is clear, but for many writers it can be harder than ever to find continuing success.
One thing I know is that writing is a part of who I am and I’m not ready to give up on that yet.
My hope is, in three years from now, another book with my name on it will sit on the shelf beside The Disappeared and I’ll be one step further towards the career I’ve always dreamed of.
Samantha Murdie says
Great to see you back!